Life continues to meander, twisting in new directions and just when I think I'm heading on straight route, it twists and changes again!

It's true to say, we are not in control of our route through life, I think we can influence our path and instigate changes in over lives. Wish I had a pair of binoculars so I could catch a glimpse of what lies beyond the next bend.

Not very frequent here, should be as so much to say. Will would have been 18 in Feb. I spent the day celebrating on my own, although Josh his younger brother and I went out in the evening to celebrate his birthday. Lots of friends sent me messages and lots of his friends remembered his birthday. To those thank you for remembering him and bringing his memory to life.

I have recently split from Will's dad, mainly because he decided to invite his daughter Lana to Wills funeral even though they had never met, and Will had told me they he had no desire to meet her, this feeling was also similar to my other children.

Despite this she decided this day would be a good day to come a long despite others feelings, I was only made aware of this 2 hours prior to Wills celebration of life.

To this day I feel this was a completely selfish action on the part of her and her father and that was the day he finally sealed the end of our marriage.

I know my other children support me as they have made this very clear to me and I know from what Will expressed to me when he was alive he would have been horrified that she would have felt she had a right to be there.

So long since I've posted a blog. Coming up to what should have been Will's 18th on Feb 10th. I wonder everyday how he would look and how life would be if he was still here with us.

The pain doesn't get easier or less, just there.

Life still contains lots of other rubbish and some days I want to fly away and leave it all behind, but won't do that until kids no longer need me, then time for me, not sure what to do but something magical I think.